The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. (I laughed out loud at work at #7). And the winners are...

1. Coffee (n.): a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.): impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.): an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.): the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

10. Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Pokemon (n): A Jamaican proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

PART B

My Aunt Diane (my moms sister) and Uncle John in from Florida yesterday so I blew off dancing and rehearsal to spend some time with them. Uncle John is my aunts 4th husband and the only one I really have gotten to know at all. Her first hubby I never met, they were married and divorced before I was even born. My mom hated him. Her 2nd husband I have some memories of, but I was very young when he was around and they lived in Florida and I lived in NY. But I remember him being a hippie and a very nice guy. They divorced very amicably. Her 3rd husband I never met. They were married for a only a few years (again living in Florida) and he had some problems with the alcohol that my aunt did not know about before they got married. Anyhoo, now she is married to John and we really really like John. He like 15 years younger than her but he treats her like gold and you can just see how happy and relaxed they are together. He makes an effort to get to know us and talk to us and is prob the best thing that has ever happened to my aunt. Every time I talk to my aunt, we realize more and more how alike we are. I look like my mom, but I am my aunt thru and thru. It�s so funny how that worked out, especially since we don�t live near each other for me to pick up habits or traits from her ... so you know it�s homegrown traits that I have.

ARgh. Annoying headache.

My boss is out sick today which is good�a nice relaxed day at work.

My name is Pirates is Virginia. Ginny for short.